One night

 

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.

He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

“Why are you stopping darling?” she whispered.

He whispered back, ” I found the remote!”

Joke !no 02

 So there was this farmer, his son, and the only animal on their farm that survived the winter: a duck.

One day the farmer is sittin' down paying off last month's heating bill when he realized that they were broke. He told his son to go into town and sell the duck for as much money that he could get. So the boy started off to town.

He came up to a prostitute that was uglier than the ass of the duck he carried in his arms. The hooker looked straight at the boy and said, "The fucking begins at $10, you got $10?" The boy had no money, so he started to walk away, but the hooker stopped him and said that she would accept that duck in his hands instead of $10. The boy gleefully accepted, so they went off and had sex.

An hour later, as the boy was leaving, the hooker pleaded that he fuck her again because it was the best fucking of her life. She offered him the duck back, and they went at it again. Another hour passes, and the boy heads home, duck in hand.

best fucking of her life. She offered him the duck back, and they went at it again. Another hour passes, and the boy heads home, duck in hand.

On the way, the duck gets spooked and flies from the boy's hands. It flew directly into the path of an b car, obliterating the duck. The man driving gets out and appologizes for the boy's duck. The man hands the boy 25 dollars for his trouble and goes on his way.

Later, the boy goes home and hands his father 25 dollars. The father notices that his son looks exhausted and asks him, "What happened?" The boy's reply was this: "I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and 25 bucks for a fucked up duck."

Joke no 03.

A chap was driving around town desperately looking for a parking space. 

He was late for his appointment and starting to panic as all spaces were taken. He looked heavenward and called out. 'Lord help me, I need a space. I'll give up loose women, booze and go to church every Sunday if you find me a space'! Just then a car pulls out from the kerb leaving a space. 'Ok Lord, you can scrub that idea, I've just found one'.

 

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