Joke 01
A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.
On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead.
Now completely stranded the priest said, "Well sister, this looks pretty grim."
"I know, father," replied the nun. "In fact, I don't think we can last more than day or two out here."
"I agree," answered the priest. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you mind doing something for me?"
"Anything father." replied the nun.
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."
The nun hesitated, "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." She opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts.
"Sister would you mind if I touched them?" he asked.
She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
The nun asked, "Father, could I ask something of you?"
"Yes sister?"
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"Well under the circumstances, I suppose that would be OK." the priest replied lifting his robe.
"Oh father, may I touch it?"
This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he became quite aroused.
"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."
"Is that true father?" asked the nun.
"Yes it is, sister."
-
"Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and let's get the fuck out of here."
Joke 02
A priest and a nun in a desert cabin
A priest and a nun are caught in a blizzard.
They find a deserted cabin and take shelter.
They find a sleeping bag, a bed, and a pile of blankets.
The priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself.
As they get tucked in for the night the nun calls out,
\- "Father, Father I'm cold!"
So the priest gets up and puts another blanket on the nun.
\- "Is that better Sister?" he asks.
\- "Yes Father, much better," she replies.
So he gets back in his sleeping bag and starts to nod off when she again calls out with,
\- "Father I'm still cold!"
So once again the priest gets up and puts another blanket on her, ensuring she is tucked into the bed well.
\- "Is that better Sister?" he asks.
\- "Oh yes Father, that's much better," she says.
So the priest gets himself back into the sleeping bag and this time is just starting to dream when he wakes up to her call of,
\- "Father, Father I'm just so cold!"
The priest thinks long about this and finally says,
\- "Sister, we are in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard. No one but you, myself, and the lord himself will ever know what happens here this night. How about, just for this night, we act as though we were married?"
The nun thinks on this for a minute, she can't help but admit to herself she's been curious, and finally answers with a tentative,
\- "OK Father, just for tonight, we will act as though we are married."
So the Father replies,
\- "Get up and get your own damned blanket ya cow!" and rolls over to fall asleep.
Joke 03
Problem in the bedroom
A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom, the man has no issues but the woman can’t reach an orgasm, she tells her husband it is because she gets too warm.
After going to see a specialist, he recommended that they have a constant supply of cool air in the bedroom, so the man asks his best friend to waft a towel whilst him and his wife make love.
Begrudgingly, he submits and says yes.
After 20 minutes of love making, the woman is no closer to orgasm whilst the man is nearly finished and wants to hold out, so the friend wafting the towel recommends that they switch places until he is ready to do more.
So the friend is now having sex with the woman while the man wafts the towel.
After 2 minutes the woman starts to tremble and lets out an incredible cry as she reaches the most intense orgasm she has ever had.
The man looks at his friend, and proudly proclaims “now that, my friend, is how you waft a fucking towel.”
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