Long joke ๐
Operation
Two kids are in a hospital each lying on a stretcher next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “what are you in here for?”
The second kid says, “I’m getting my tonsils out. I’m a little nervous.”
The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep and when you wake up, they give you lots of jello and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”
The second kid then asked, “What are you in here for?”
The first kids says, “A circumcision.”
The second kid replies, “Whoa, good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year.”
A Few of Our Passover Things
(Sung to the tune of
“These are a few of my Favourite Things”)
Cleaning and cooking and so many dishes
Out with the chametz, no pasta, no knishes
Fish that’s gefilted, horseradish that stings
These are a few of our Passover things.
Matzoh and karpas and chopped up charoset
Shankbones and kiddish and yiddish neuroses
Tante who kvetches and uncle who sings
These are a few of our Passover things.
Motzi and maror and trouble with Pharoahs
Famines and locusts and slaves with wheelbarrows
Matzoh balls floating and eggshells that cling
These are a few of our Passover things.
When the plagues strike
When the lice bite
When we’re feeling sad
We simply remember our Passover things
And then we don’t feel so bad.
Hole in One
A Reform Rabbi was so compulsive a golfer that one Yom Kippur morning he left the house early and went out for a quick nine holes by himself.
An angel who happened to be looking on immediately notified his superiors that a grievous sin was being committed. On the sixth hole, Hashem caused a mighty wind to take the ball directly from the tee to the cup – a miraculous shot.
The angel was horrified. “A hole in one!” he exclaimed, “You call this a punishment, Lord?!”
Answered Hashem with a smile, “So who can he tell?”