Pastor Vs Carpenter
Week after week, the man came to his pastor with a big problem.
“When I go to bed, I can't sleep because I'm afraid of monsters under my bed.
I know it's silly, but I can't help it.”
The pastor recommended prayer, reading the Bible, singing hymns, keeping the lights on, but nothing worked.
One Sunday the man came to church happy and well rested.
He got the answer from his friend the carpenter.
“He told me just to cut the legs off the bed!”
The Guy Can't Believe What The Doctor Suggests!
“You’ve got a rare disease and you’ve only got 6 months to live,” the doc tells him.
The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he’s going to get a second opinion.
He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news.
Patient is in shock and asks if there’s anything he should do.
The doctor pauses a moment and says, “Can I give you some non-medical advice?”
“Sure, anything, Doc
I’m desperate!”
“Do you have a girlfriend?” the doctor asks.
“Nope, been single for years,” says the patient.
“Well,” says the doctor, “I encourage you to find a girlfriend. Go shopping with her, listen to all of her complaints and problems, get involved with every thing she does and completely immerse yourself into her
I mean, EVERY aspect of her you can.”
The patient perks up and is feeling hopeful
“Will that extend my life?!”
“No,” says the doctor, “But it’ll be the longest darn 6 months you’ve ever had.”
Make Your Mother Kiss You
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face
He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.
He said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me
How can I possibly repay you?”
My darling,” she replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”